Carla Speed McNeil's Muffuletta

(Traditional New Orleans Italian sammitch. Yes, New Orleans is inhabited by people other than Cajuns. Best place to git one: Central Grocery in the French Quarter, a former alleyway, now deli, very close the rest of the best stuff in the Quarter. Lots of delicious dead things hanging from the ceiling.)

1 cup pitted green olives, chopped coarse
1 cup pitted black olives, chopped coarse
3/4 cup extra-virgin olive oil
4 oz roasted red peppers (jar stuff OK), drained and chopped fine
1/4 cup minced fresh parsley leaves
2 TBS lemon juice
1 tsp dried oregano
1 clove garlic, minced

(these ingredients all go in one bowl. Stir, cover, and refrigerate at least 8 hours. 24 hours is better.)

1 large (9-inch) round Italian or French bread
8 oz mortadella, thinly sliced
8 oz provolone cheese, thinly sliced
8 oz hard salami, thinly sliced

And you'll need a big goddamned dictionary or other large heavy book. Wrap it in plastic if you don't want it to develop character.

Okay, drain the olive mix, reserving the juice. Cut the bread in half hamburger-bun style, digging out a hollow in the domed top. Smear the cut sides of the bread with the reserved juice, and place half of the olive mix in the hollwed-out top. Layer the meats and cheese on top of that, then spread the other half of the olive mix on top of the whole mess. Place the flat bottom of the bread on top, then wrap tightly with plastic wrap. Invert.

Now put the wrapped sammitch on a big-enough plate. Put yer big book on top. Pile some other heavy stuff from the fridge on top of the big book-- pickle jars, gallons of milk, whatever you have handy. Compression is key. Stick the whole assemblage into the fridge for at least 30 minutes and up to six hours.

Unwrap, cut into wedges, and stand clear.

Louie's-style Hash Browns

Yes, I know perfectly well that these bear little or no resemblance to whatever you grew up calling hash browns. Shut up.

Four large baking potatoes (I prefer russets)
One large sweet onion, diced
Four-six cloves garlic, minced
1 lb hot Italian sausage, casings removed
Olive oil, salt, pepper, cayenne
Cheddar cheese

Scrub spuds, cut into large chunks. Heat 2 tablespoons oil in deep saucepan or soup pot. Cook onion over medium heat with a pinch of salt until softened, 5-8 minutes. Add garlic, cook until fragrant, maybe thirty seconds. Add spuds, tossing to coat with onions.

Sprinkle spuds with 1/2 tsp salt, pepper and cayenne to taste. I use Tony Chacherie's more-spice-less-salt here-- it's pretty much the only reason to keep that red can on-hand, but it's what was on the tables at Louie's. It's not particularly hot, and anyway the starchy potatoes nix most of the cayenne.

Pinch off small chunks of sausage and drop 'em into the pot. Stir again to distribute. Cover pot and reduce heat to simmer. Let that whole mess cook down to desired level of spud-doneness; traditionally, two steps above mush. Usually twenty minutes will do it, just make sure your sausage is cooked through. Adjust seasonings.

The cooks at Louie's (oh yeah, Louie's was the postpub diner near my college campus) just kept a huge mountain of this smoking away on the grill 24-7, adding fresh ingredients and tossing the raw stuff underneath, like an edible compost heap. Except the sausage, that was my addition. Grated cheese is extra, 50 cents. Serve it up.

- Carla Speed McNeil

How To Kill Yourself With A Single Sandwich

How To Kill Yourself With A Single Sandwich

This sandwich cost $47 to MAKE AT HOME.

Ingredients ................ Food Calories
Fried Mushrooms, 15............450
Bacon, 14 pieces.................990
Onion rings, 18................,1,140
Ground Beef, 1/4 lb..............293
Corndogs, 2........................540
Swiss Cheese, 4 slices..........425
Provolone, 4 slices...............397
Cheddar, 4 slices.................455
Sliced Ham, 1/4 lb...............184
Sliced Turkey, 1/4 lb............181
Pastrami, 1/4 lb...................394
Roast Beef, 1/4 lb................200
Bratwurst, 1.......................510
Braunschweiger, 1/4 lb.........580
Wheat Bread, 1 lb..............1030
Lettuce, 1/2 head.................25
Feta Cheese, 4 oz...............350
Italian Dressing, 6 oz...........480
Oregano oil, 50 grams..........438
Salt & Pepper, 50 grams..........0
Butter, 1/2 lb...................1600 (for bread and cooking)
Parmesan, 100 grams..........465
Canola Oil, 154 Tbsp.......18,432 (for frying)

Total - 29,559




But... don't you just WANT to TRY and eat it???

Pimp my Tuna

PIMP MY TUNA

since i'm not really too big on mayo, i usually add a little olive oil, some lemon juice to taste, and some vinegar (rice vinegar is my fav but i've also used basalmic as well).

My favorite spices to add are thyme and dry mustard, sometimes rosemary or parsley

mix it all up, add some green onions and celery if u want and there you go!!! awesome tuna fish without any of that mayo stuff (which isn't bad in small quantities i guess, but like NOT IN MY TUNA!). sometimes i add in mustard also, but only when i am feeling rediculous.

anyway top off the interior of the sandwhich with some paprika, and voila!!! okay tuna fish is really scrubby, but you can deck it out and it won't be so bad. this is really good on crackers with a bowl of pea soup, btw.

Douglas Wolk's MUNG BEAN AND CABBAGE PANCAKES WITH TOMATO CHUTNEY

MUNG BEAN AND CABBAGE PANCAKES WITH TOMATO CHUTNEY

Soak for at least 12 hours (start 'em the night before):
1 1/2 Cups mung beans

When you're getting ready to cook, make your chutney. Puree:
1 small ripe tomato
Chop up:
3 medium-to-large ripe tomatoes

Toast in a pot, stirring or shaking constantly:
1/2 tsp. fennel seeds
1/4 tsp. cumin seeds
When they're aromatic and slightly browned, add the tomatoes and tomato puree, along with:
1/8 tsp. cayenne
Simmer, uncovered, for 15 minutes or so, or until thickened a bit. Add:
1 tsp. olive oil
A bit of minced cilantro
Turn off the heat and let it sit until you're done cooking.

Chop up in a food processor:
1 inch or so of peeled ginger
Drain the mung beans and add them. Pulse the food processor until they're roughly chopped up. Add:
1/2 cup water
Pulse the food processor until they're pureed. Add:
2 Tbsp. lemon juice
1/3 cup of a combination of cilantro and parsley, to your taste
1 tsp. salt
Pulse the food processor until the greens are minced and everything's combined. Put the mung-bean combination in a big bowl with:
5 cups shredded cabbage
1/2 tsp. baking powder
1/2 tsp. red pepper flakes
Mix it all up good.

Heat a big skillet or griddle over a medium flame with a little drizzle of olive oil. Drop 1/3-cup scoops of the cabbage/mung bean mixture onto the griddle (you can do four at a time, no problem), and flatten them out with a spatula. Let them cook for about 3 minutes (until they're browned on the bottom), then drizzle a teensy bit of olive oil on top of each one, flip 'em, and let them brown on the other side.

Serve with the tomato chutney, some dollops of yogurt, a light green salad, and whatever grain you like--bread is nice.

Harris O'Malley's Peanut Butter Balls

PEANUT BUTTER BALLS 16 oz crunchy peanut butter
2 cups powdered sugar
1/3 cup butter, softened
3 cups Rice Krispies or equivilant
1 bag semi-sweet chocolate chips

Mix peanut butter, sugar and butter, then stir in the Rice Krispies. Shape into small balls and chill for 1 hour. Melt 1/2 package semi-sweet chocolate chips over hot water in a double boiler. Hand dip top and sides of peanut butter balls in chocolate. Chill in refrigerator until set.

These suckers will last a very long, delicious time, and travel remarkably well. My mother used to send 'em to me at summer programs and at college; this had the tendency to make me the most popular man in the dorms, at least until they ran out.

Erin Clark's Best Brownies EVAH

best brownies EVAH. * 1 ¼ sticks (½ cup plus two tablespoons) butter
* 4 large eggs, beaten
* 1 ¾ cups light brown sugar
* 1 teaspoon real vanilla extract
* a good pinch of salt
* ¾ cups unsweetened cocoa
* 1 cup minus 1 tablespoon all-purpose flour
* 3 ½ oz. walnut or pecan pieces, chopped white or bittersweet chocolate, or a combination (OPTIONAL)
* one square, 9-inch cake pan, 2 inches deep, completely lined with foil.



Gently melt the butter in a saucepan and let cool while preparing the rest of the mixture.

Using a wooden spoon (or a fork ;) ), beat the eggs very gently with the sugar until just blended and free of lumps. Stir in the cooled butter and the vanilla. Sift the salt, cocoa, and flour together into the bowl and gently stir in -- do not beat or overmix, or the brownies will become cake-like.

When combined, fold in the nuts or chocolate (if using). Pour into the prepared pan and smooth the surface.

Bake in a preheated oven at 325ºF for about 35 to 40 minutes or until a skewer inserted midway between the center and the side of the pan comes out clean. The center should be just firm -- do not overcook or the brownies will be dry.

Put the pan on a damp cloth to cool completely.

Lift the brownies out of the pan still in the foil, remove the foil, and cut into 16 squares.

Store in an airtight container and eat within 1 week or freeze for up to one month

MontiLee's Lamb Chili

Lamb Chili. The Avocado is optional. You will need:

* 1/4 Cup Olive or Corn Oil
* 3 Pounds Lamb Shoulder, boned and diced (if you're lucky and can find it boneless, about 2 1/2 pounds should be fine)
* 2 Cups Diced Red Onion
* 2 Tablespoons Minced Garlic
* Chili Powder to Taste ** 3TBSP - Mild**6TBSP Hot**
* 1-28 Ounce Can Italian Plumb Tomatoes
* 2 TBSP Tomato Paste
* 2 Cups Light Poultry or Vegetable Stock
* Salt to taste
* 2 Red Peppers, Diced
* 2 Avocados, Peeled, Stoned and Diced (Optional)
* 1/4 Cup Goat Cheese
* 1/2 Cup Sour Cream
* 1/2 Cup Chopped Cilantro

Preheat oven to 375 degrees F.

In a large oven-proof skillet or pot (I use a dutch oven I don't care about anymore because cleaning the damn thing afterwards is a bitch), heat oil over high heat until just before the kitchen gets smokey. Carefully, to avoid third-degree burns, add lamb and brown and relatively hot. Being fully cooked isn't an issue at this point because it's going into an over for several hours, and if that doesn't do the trick, you need a new oven. Remove the meat to a warm plate and set adie.

In the pot you just took your meat from, add onions and garlic to oil and over low-medium heat brown the garlic up (about 4 minutes). Add chili powder and stir until you're sure you'll never get that crap off your pot.

To add to the fun, add tomatoes, paste and stock and stir scraping up the garlic and chili powder you've just apoxied to the bottom; bring to a boil. Add salt. Frankly, I'm not a salt person, so I don't add it, b it' your heart, so knock yourself out. Put the lamb back in the pot.

Cover the pot with a sheet of aluminum foil, dull side down on the surface of the skillet/pot/carved out skull. Cover with a lid - preferably the one that came with the pot, but if you're like me and most of your kitchen accoutrements are second-hand and garbage rescues, you don't have a lid. I have lids that came with other post and skillets and seem to work, but a large plate will work too. It just has to create a seal over the foil and pot. Place on the lower rack of the oven and cook until tender (about 2hr 45 minutes). I've forgotten about let mine bake for as long as 4hrs. The longer it cooks, the more tender the meat. As Gladys saws in that grosse Farmer Jack commercial - "chews like butter".

When you've remember that you have food in the oven - the smoke alarm does it for me - remove your charred and extremely hot pot from the oven and place back on stovetop, cuz there's more cooking to be done! Bring the liquids to a simmer over high heat and cook until thick enough to coat the back of the spoon (about 10 minutes). By this time however, you should have a nice stew consistancy.

Some recipes call for removing the lamb and dicing it fine, but a few stuirs and it should fall apart anyway. There's no sense in serving lamb chili if people can't see the lamb bits.

Add the peppers and avocado. Unless you don't like avadado, in which case you can set it aside and let people add their own, or hide it down the garbage disposal when no one's looking.

In a small bowl, whick together the goat cheese and sour cream until smooth. My ghetto family thinks goat cheese is something Whitey invented to keep black cows down, but I think it adds a nice flavor.

Ladle the chili into bowls - I've served this in breadbowls and - dollop of the sour cream mixture on top. Hmm... a lot og my recipes have something dolloped on top.

Top with cilantro. - unless like me, cilantrop turns your insides into a rashy swollen mess (yeah, this is exactly what people want to read in a recipe).

Steven Goldman's Heart Attack Soup

here's a quickie one for what my brother affectionately calls "heart attack soup": --Heat up 4 cups or so of chicken stock in a pot.
--Grate 1-2 medium potatoes, skin off, and toss into the hot stock; simmer until it's mush.
--Grate most (if not all) of a 8oz block of Cheddar (preferably something good, like extra-sharp Grafton).
--Season with salt, pepper, and a splash or two of soy sauce.
--Serve with bread; go into carb-induced coma afterward.

bagna cauda

Throw into a pan: 1/4 cup olive oil, 1/4 cup butter, half a lemon cut into slices (seeds removed), 5-8 anchovy fillets, 2-3 cloves minced garlic (or 3-4 mashed cloves roasted garlic), sea salt, black pepper to taste. Simmer over medium-low heat until the butter's well-melted, the garlic's nice and golden brown, and mash the lemon slices and anchovies with a wooden spoon until the whole thing's goo. Then dunk chunks of crustry bread and sliced veggies (any of these will do: artichoke bottoms and/or hearts, radishes, cauliflower, fennel, spring onions, cucumbers, yellow, red, and green bell peppers, mushrooms, celery, cardoons, cabbage, carrots and cooked asparagus are cut into strips).

Best eaten over the stove, unless you have a fondue pot.

Cliff's Caribbean Fried Rice

Cliff's Caribbean Fried Rice My mom made this for us every Sunday. Some ppl find fried rice intimidating however it's just a series of small steps that can create a truly sensational dish. The Chicken in this dish can be replaced with pork.

4 Cups Rice
1/3 Cup Each of Green Peas, Diced Carrots and Corn
Ground Chicken (As much or as little as you'd like I use about a cup's worth)
BBQ Chicken or Jerk Chicken (If you want instructions on creating jerk chicken just send me a message and I'll post it)
1 Tsp Dried Thyme
4 Tbsp of Light Soy Sauce or 2 Tbsp Casreep if you can find it in your local grocers
2 Tbsp Vegetable or Canola oil
2 Eggs
1 Chili or 1/4 Scotchbonnet pepper diced with seeds removed (optional)

1/2 Can of Pineapple slices drained for garnish
2 Green Onions chopped for garnish. You don't want to chop your green onions too far in advance because they develop a soapy texture.


Good Fried rice is all about prep work.

Cook Rice and drain completely. I usually slightly undercook my rice, this way I don't end up with a clumped up mess at the end.

Microwave the green peas, carrots and corn for about 1.5 minutes and drain off excess water.

Sautee ground chicken with 2 Tbsp Soy (or 1 Tbsp Casreep) until completely cooked and set aside

Scramble both eggs with the Chili or Scotchbonnet pepper. Slice egg into thin strips and set aside.

In a large frying pan or wok heat 2 Tbsp Vegetable or Canola oil.

Add jerk chicken, and ground chicken to pan.

Add dried thyme and stir until well until combined with chicken.

Add rice 1 cup at a time and stir until well combined with the chicken thyme mixture.

Add remaining soy sauce or casreep. Now don't start stirring until you hear the soy sauce reach the bottom of the pan (you'll hear it start to sizzle) now you can start stirring until your rice gets that distinctive brown colour.

Add eggs, peas, carrots and corn and incorporate with the rice.

Top with green onion and diced pineapple slices and you're done.

Another variation on this dish is to replace the jerk chicken with sauteed shrimp.

benjones' Meat Muffins

Meat Muffins
Get yourself some ground beef. A half pound is usually about right. Mix it up with some spicy ketchup of some sort, or steak sauce, or something with Worcheshishire sauce. Throw in some dijon mustard, salt, maybe a bit of fresh nutmeg, some cayenne pepper if you're in the mood. The key is to get the mix into a sort of paste-like consistency. Meanwhile, make some biscuit dough. Stay away from southern-style buttermilk biscuits; the dough needs to be a bit glutenous to really do the job. When I was a kid, mom just used the basic Bisquick recipe; now that I can afford better, I tend to make the dough from scratch. Make enough dough for a normal batch of biscuits.

Roll out the dough. You want it to be springy but not so elastic that it refuses to stay rolled. Cut the dough into small squares. I can't tell you how big, because it depends on your equipment.

Grab a muffin tin. Put a square in each spot. Fill the dough with meat, maybe a couple tablespoons. There should be enough dough to fold over the top, sealing the four edges together into a pinched cross.

Throw in oven around 325-350. Remove when tops are crisp and golden brown. Serve with sweet corn.

MontiLee's Guiness Brownies

Guinnes Brownies: 4 eggs
3/4 C. sugar
8 oz. Baker's chocolate, chopped
4 oz. white chocolate, chopped
6 T. unsalted butter
3/4 C. all-purpose flour
3/4 C. cocoa (Nestle's is nice)
1 1/4 C. Guinness stout (I use any dark Ale - I think McGregors, or something)
1 pt heavy cream (for whipping and serving)

Preheat the oven to 375° F. Prepare an 8-inch pan - butter, lard, baby fat, I don't care..

In an electric mixer, combine the eggs and sugar. Beat until light and fluffy. I have one of those ancient Harvest Gold GE mixers where the right blade looks like it could shoot off and kill someone. Maybe someday.

Do not lick the blades while in motion.

In a saucepan over medium heat, melt the Baker's (chocolate, not the guy down the street), white chocolate and butter, stirring until smooth. Remove from heat and beat into the egg mixture. Resist the urge to put your tongue in the hop pan. Wait until it cools.

Sift the flour and cocoa together and beat into the chocolate mixture. Whisk in the ale. My sifter is from the 1920's - metal, uneven and it drops flakes into whatever your sifting. I ony use it for things with chocolate in it.

Pour into the pan and bake for 20 to 25 minutes, or until a knife, toothpick, gun muzzle - whatever's handy - inserted in the center comes out almost clean.

I have instructions to wait until it cools before dusting with confectioner's sugar and serving, but scxrew that noise.

Whip the heavy cream with whatever you sweeten it with. While still extremely warm, cut the biggest slice you can get away with, pile on as much whipped cream as your heart can handle and hide in your room until sated.

Serves 8 to 10.

Russel Lissau's Corn on the cob

You want to make really good corn on the cob? Don't boil it. GRILL it. 1. Preheat your grill as hot as it will get.
2. Clean grill surface when grill is hot. (So many people forget this key step.)
3. Take the corn out of the husk.
4. Clean corn free of stringy husk bits.
5. Pour vegetable oil over corn in a pot/tray. Don't give the corn a bath in it, but let it sit in the oil. Roll it around. Let it sit for a while. (Also, don't bother with expensive olive oil here. The oil is to protect the object being grilled, not for flavor. Only use the expensive oils later in the process when grilling.)
6. Lower the temperature of the grill to medium.
7. Put the corn on the grill. Cover the grill.
8. Turn the corn cobs when they start to brown and the sugar in the kernels crystalizes. A good tip that they're ready to be turned is when you hear them popping like popcorn.
9. Brown all the sides.
10. Remove, after about 15 minutes or so. You can test the kernels (squeezing them) to ensure they're done.
11. Eat.

I guarantee this will be the best corn you've ever eaten. No butter or salt needed. It's amazing.

Other grilled vegetables (carrots, peppers, onions) work the same way. Soak in oil, heat until browned/seared, turn, remove. I'll never boil a veggie again.

Carla Speed McNeil's Oven Baked Green Beans

I just recently found a cooking method for green beans (aka snapbeans) that does a lot of the same things as grilling does for other vegetables. Supermarket green beans are often kinda elderly. Picked too late and kept too long, they're often too limp to snap. Green shoelaces, and about as tasty. So do 'em in the oven. 1 lb snap beans, washed, ends trimmed
salt and olive oil

Preheat yer oven to 450 F. Line a cookie sheet with tinfoil unless you like scrubbing cookie sheets. Dump the beans on the tinfoil, glob on some oil and about 1/2 tsp salt. Toss 'em a bit to make sure they're all coated.
Throw 'em in the oven for ten minutes; pull 'em out and toss 'em again. Ten to twelve minutes more should finish 'em up.

They will be wrinkled as hell, a little bit browned here and there. This is good. This is what you want. Adjust salt and pepper and serve 'em up.

(Rachel's Note: I thow in one roughly chopped garlic clove at the beginning. Yum)

Derek Burrow's Cheesecake So Easy You Could Make it Hungover

Cheesecake So Easy You Could Make it Hungover First off, get a graham cracker crust. If you're lazy, buy one at the store.

1 package of creamcheese (in brick form)
1 can of sweetened condensed milk
1/3 cup of lemon juice
1 tsp of vanilla

Blend creamcheese, milk, and vanilla together until smooth. Add lemon juice, incorporate well, and pour into crust. Cover and throw in fridge for 4-8 hours.

The mixture will look like a milkshake when you pour it in. Then the lemon juice does funny things to the other things and the thing that comes out is much more solid than the thing that went in.

For a twist, add some grated lemon, orange, or lime zest.

I have wowed executive chefs with this baby, not to mention using it as an integral dessert at just about every party I've ever catered. Let it work for you!

Russel Lissau's Fried Rice

Like most of my best dishes, the ingredients of this dish depend most on what's leftover in the fridge/cabinets. Likewise, use whatever amounts you deem tasty. It's totally a seat-of-the pants recipe. FRIED RICE
Needed: one egg, at least a few cups of cold/room temperature (but previously cooked) rice, wok oil, one egg, meat (if you're carnivorous), soy sauce, onion/scallion, various veggies of your choice. And a large wok or large frying pan. Also, a few bowls to hold various ingredients until they're ready to be mixed at the end.

Like all stir fry, this works best if you have a gas stove for better heat circulation.

1. The prep work: Dice onion/scallion, ginger, garlic, veggies or whatever non-meat ingredients you want to use. Put aside.
2. Dice the meat you want to use. If it's already cooked (ie: pork, steak or chicken leftover from the night before), that's even better. Put aside. If you're using raw meat, DO NOT CROSS CONTAMINATE.
3. Crack egg into bowl and mix.
4. Heat wok on high. When hot (sprinkle some water, see if it sizzles), add a tablespoon or so of the oil to the wok. Lower temp to medium
5. Carefully add egg to wok. Scramble, dice.
6. Remove egg to a clean bowl (don't cross-contaminate with the old icky one, folks.)
7. Add another tablespoon of oil to wok.
8. Put meat in wok. If it's cooked already, just warm it up. If it's fresh/raw, cook it thoroughly. Check cookbooks or thermometer for proper cooking temps of meat.
9. If the meat is raw, add a splash of soy sauce, garlic powder, pepper or other spices for flavor as it's cooking.
10. When cooked/heated, remove meat to another new bowl. DO NOT CROSS CONTAMINATE.
11. For third time, put a tbsp. of oil in the wok. Heat on high.
12. Dump rice into wok. Add soy sauce, spices. Mix and heat.
13. When the rice is hot and flavored to your liking, add the veggies and meat that you cooked in earlier steps.
14. Mix all of that together.
15. Sample. Is it bland? Add spice. Sometimes I like to add plum sauce for flavor, too.
16. When all mixed and yummy, serve. To really impress, serve in Asian-style bowls with chopsticks.

A hint from Warren Ellis

Next time you roast some garlic, trying putting it in a pouch of tinfoil and pouring a glass of white wine over it before closing the pouch up.

Madolan's Cranberry Pudding and Hard Sauce

CRANBERRY PUDDING
Start with 2 cups whole cranberries, coarsely chopped (you can do this in a processor but I prefer the texture of hand-chopped berries). Sprinkle them with 3 Tb sugar. Add 2 tsp baking soda and 1 cup Karo syrup. Stir in 1/3 cup warm water. Add 1 and 1/3 cups flour, blend well. Pour that mess in a lightly greased 8x8 pan. Bake at 350 for 30-40 minutes or until a chopstick stabbed through its heart comes out clean.

HARD SAUCE
1/2 cup cream
1 cup powdered sugar
1/2 cup butter
1 tsp vanilla

Mix well in a double boiler until bubbly and hot. Spoon over pudding. Die of pleasure.

Jane Irwin's Miasma Beans and Rice

Black Miasma Beans and Rice
2 1/2 cups dry black turtle beans
1 sweet pepper (any kind)
1 hot pepper (any kind)
1 small tomato
1 medium-size yellow onion
1/2 lb bacon (back, canadian, rashers or American)
2 tsp Cumin
Sage
Oregano
3 cups basmati rice Soak the beans overnight. The following morning, rinse and dump the beans into a crockpot and cover with water. Slice the bacon into thumbnail-sized pieces and fry in a skillet. Put bacon in with beans, reserving a few tablespoons of grease. Chop the onion loosely and fry in the bacon grease until translucent, then add to pot. Deglaze pan with a bit of water and add that, too. Chop and add the tomato and peppers to the pot, add the cumin, then adjust with sage, oregano, salt and pepper to taste.

Turn the crockpot on low, cover it, and leave for work. That evening, make basmati rice and spoon beans over. If the bean gravy's not quite thick enough, take the cover off the crockpot and turn it on high while you cook the rice.

Black as a politician's heart, and cheap eats, too -- a 8-cup crockpot of this evil-looking stuff will set you back about $3.

benjones' Famous Soup

It's getting to be soup weather. Get bones of chickens, toss into a pot with celery and carrots and onions and simmer the fuckers down into a stock for 12 hours. Fish out all the mush and store the liquid in the fridge overnight.

Next day, heat it up, add a bunch of white wine, fresh veggies, meat of whatever beast you like, rice, potatoes, spices to taste. At that point it's next to impossible to make something bad. Just keep the heat low, and in a couple hours it's the best damn soup in known creation.

I store my chicken bones in the freezer until I have enough to stockify. And then I make enough soup to last four or five days. I always make an announcement to my email list when the soup is ready. Because, you know, I'm such a giving soul.

(Via Derek Burrows: The one instruction that Ben forgot is to skim the crap off your stock before you turn it into real soup. All the fat rises to the top in the fridge in a thick, white disc. Said fat isn't great in the soup (though your stock WILL be a bit clearer for it), but IIRC it can be used for other things. Skimming it off is the best thing to do with it.)

Belinda Beller's Breakfast

a cheap meal from my college days. It called, for the lack of a better name, Breakfast. Ingredients
1/2 bag of frozen tater crowns (like tater tots but cut into 1/4ths)
4 eggs scrambled with a bit of milk
1-2 slices of Tillamook* cheddar cheese (from 2lb block)
Ketchup (optional)

Utensils
1 Wok or skillet (wok's my fav because it holds more)
spatula
Dinner plate
Microwave
Fork or Spoon

Same temp as cooking eggs (med to med-high, 5-6)

Turn on stove, dump taters into wok, cook until thawed.
When thawed, start cutting up taters with spatula.
When taters are browned, pour eggs into taters and mix until well blended and cooked to own liking.
Place on plate
Slice cheese into thin slices and place on top of mixture.
Microwave 30-45 seconds or until cheese is melted on top.
Pour ketchup over mixture and eat with fork or spoon.

Makes a mound of food that a starving college student would consume in one minute or would serve 2-3 people.

*Tillamook Cheese is the closest creamery. So use whatever cheese is the freshest.

Andrew Diroll's Twice-Baked, No-Fry potato skins

Twice-baked, no-fry potato skins (I think). T his is a three-phase operation. Bake yourself some potatoes. Get two big ones, scrub the dirt off, prick the skins with a fork a little, and rub them down with olive oil and sea salt. Put them on a baking sheet and stick them in the oven at 400F for about an hour.

While this is going on, fry up some bacon. Three slices is enough for two potatoes. You don't want the stuff to be extra crispy, just cooked enough to crumble. If you're motivated enough, you could chop up the bacon before you fry it, but then it requires more care in the frying. When they're about done, you shred them by hand. Set the bits on a paper towel to soak up the grease.

After the allotted time, take the potatoes out and let them cool for a few minutes. Cut them down the middle and scoop the guts out into a medium-sized bowl. Leave about 1cm thick deposit of potato meat around the insides. Spray or brush the skins with olive oil and throw them back in the oven for 15-20 minutes, until they start to brown slightly.

Meanwhile, mash up the extracted potato guts with about a cup of half-and-half or cream, throw in some black pepper and the bacon bits, and a handful of shredded cheese for good measure. Take the skins out of the oven and pack this mealy gruel into the skins. Then, throw them back in the oven for another 15 minutes.

Top with more cheese, chives, green onions, whatever you like. Serve piping hot. One of these is enough for a good-sized snack or side dish. I served them with bison burgers and a small green salad. It was very good and I passed out with a food baby growing in my stomach.

What to do with Emu?

Jane Irwin: If your steak's thick enough, I recommend emu kebabs, lightly marinated in white wine, a dab of soy sauce, and rosemary, and go crazy-go-nuts with the skewered veg. That makes it go a long way and lets everyone get a taste of yon exotic birdie. It tastes like very gamey, dark-meat turkey, though with pretty much the consistency of a rare steak.

Andrew Diroll: If it's ground, use it as you would any ground meat. Burgers, chili, tacos, whatever sounds good to you.
If you've got steaks... ooh. Try rubbing it down with fresh rosemary and baking the bastard in its own juices for an hour or two. Put the steaks in a casserole dish or something with a little olive oil, drop in a sprig or two of fresh rosemary, cover the thing with foil, and roast it for an hour at 350F or thereabouts.

Becky Cloonan's ODIN SANDWICH

ODIN SANDWICH i make this a lot. its good because prep time is like .5 min and you can eat while you draw, so there is like absolutely no time lost during a precious work crunch.

you will need:
-piece of bread (i prefer a nice pumpernickle or wheat)
-mustard (i like dijon or spicy mustard)
-knife (optional)

spread mustard on bread and enjoy!!! good enough to get even the most meager of comic artists through the winter of winters!!!! the trick is to give it a sweet name like "ODIN" or something, so you feel like you are eating something totally awesome.

Chris Metcalf's Piece of Piss Fajitas

Piece of Piss Fajitas 2 large size chicken breasts, sliced into 1cm strips
3 medium peppers (green, yellow and red)
2 large red onions (cut in into big chunks)
2-3 tablespoons of olive oil
Juice from 2 small lime
2-3 teaspoons of dried crushed chillies (it's to your liking really)
2 teaspoons of dried mixed herbs

Take all of the above, throw in a bowl and mix it up. Leave for about half an hour. Throw in a Griddle pan. Cook it til the chicken won't kill you and the peppers/onions are coloured to your liking.

Throw it in on tortillas with lettuce, salsa and, if you want to wuss out, sour cream.

Ta-bleeding-daa.

Derek Burrow's Festive Chicken

Festive Chicken Ok. This is not a very original dish. Just about every restraunt I've ever worked in has had some variation of this. The cheeses change, the fillings get shifted around, but its a safe bet that any restaraunt that offers chicken on the menu offers some sort of chicken supreme stuffed with cheese. This can range from the often overdone chicken cordon bleu to Sharkey's Wolfgang Chicken (with goat cheese and spinach as I recall) to the recipe we used to serve at Il Posto (with gorgonzola). Suffice to say, its a classic. But it WORKS. There's something magical about chicken stuffed with a nice, soft cheese. The real trick is finding a stuffing combination that complements both the chicken, and a sauce that brings it all together but doesn't overpower things.

This dish uses goat cheese. Just simple goat cheese, preferably the softest you can find. The flavor of the goat cheese nicely holds all the other flavors together, and heated it has a fantastic texture that's nearly a sauce in and of itself. The stuffing is also great for a fancy spread, or for stuffed mushroom caps.

For the balsamic vinegar, just about anything will do. But it MUST be balsamic. I suggest, however, using the highest quality stuff you can find, because you really DO get what you pay for.

This is a FANTASTIC dish to serve for parties. The prep work is virtually nonexistant, taking up maybe 20 minutes of your time, and aside from a short spin in the pan (maybe 2-3 minutes a side), you can just toss these suckers in the oven and ignore them.

4 chicken supremes (plain, deboned breasts are fine as well, but the supremes have the first joint of the wing bone still on and look nice...also, try to get them with skin on)
1 large palmful of goat cheese (just buy a nice big tube of the stuff and cut off as much as you end up needing...goat cheese is nice to have around anyway)
1 medium sized palmful of dried cranberries, and the same of walnuts
4 tablespoons of olive oil
2 tabelspoons of roughly chopped parsley, and the same of finely chopped chives
1 cup balsamic vinegar

1. Roughly dice the cranberries and the walnuts. Don't turn them into mush, but give them a nice, good chop.
2. Throw the cranberries, walnuts, herbs, olive oil, and some salt and pepper into a bowl and mix well until everything's incorporated. It helps if you've warmed the goat cheese slightly before doing this.
3. On the inside edge of the chicken breasts make a small incision. Make it near the top, and wider on the inside. Use a paring knife if you have to, though a boning knife is preferable due to the overall size and shape of the blade. A chef's knife is just overkill, unless you're a deft hand with it.
4. Stuff the cavity of the breast full of the cheese mixture. Don't worry if the hole you made comes out the other side a little bit, or onto the bottom of the breast. Its not that big a deal as long as the holes aren't too big.
5. In a large, metal (no teflon here) frying pan heat some oil and add the breasts once the oil is heated. The breasts should go top down ("prestentation side" down) first. Give them 2 or 3 minutes, until they turn a nice gold color on that side, and flip them over to the other side and repeat. After this, transfer them to a baking sheet lined with parchment paper or foil. Put in a 400 degree oven for about 20 minutes, or until cooked throughout and showing little or no pink inside. Remember that poultry (along with hamburger) cannot be served rare, and must be 100% cooked to safely kill all the bacteria.
6. While your chicken's in the oven, add the cup of balsamic vinegar to a sauce pan and heat to boiling. Let it boil down and reduce by about one half to two thirds. This doesn't need any seasonings at all. It should be nice and syrupy at this point. If you want to be fancy, throw some peppercorns in while its cooking.
7. Plate the chicken with some steamed veggies (spinach is also nice) and drizzle the balsamic over it. If you want to be real fancy and have a really sharp chef or carving knife, cut the chicken into medallions, making sure that the last medallion still has the bone on it.

This dish is dead easy. To be honest, cutting the pocket into the chicken is the hardest part, and its a lot easier than it looks. You may want to buy an extra chicken breast or two to practice on (and then perhaps grill with some BBQ sauce, or maybe slice up and turn into fajitas...or whatever) beforehand. After that, its all easy as pie.

Erin Clark's Mom's Pumpkin Muffins

My mom made Pumpkin Muffins this morning, and since they were so yummy, I figured I'd share the recipe. I ate like a billion of them. They're good with a gob of butter in the middle. * ¾ cup natural bran
* ¾ cup whole wheat flour
* ¾ cup granulated sugar
* 1½ tsp cinnamon
* 1 tsp baking powder
* 1 tsp baking soda
* ½ tsp salt
* 1 cup raisins (or currants)
* 1 cup mashed or canned cooked pumpkin
* 2 eggs (unbeaten)
* ½ vegetable oil
* ½ plain yogurt or buttermilk



In a bowl, combine the bran, flour, sugar, cinnamon, baking powder, baking soda, salt, and raisins. Toss to mix.

Add the pumpkin, eggs, oil, and yogurt. Stir until just combined.

Spoon batter into paper-lined or non-stick muffin pans. Bake in 400°F oven for 25 minutes, or until firm to the touch.

Madolan's Chicken Fricassee

Chicken's a classic-- in a pot or lidded saucepan, brown chicken pieces with olive oil, garlic, butter, and fresh herbs. Add some white wine and let it reduce. Pour in chicken broth and more herbs, cover the pot, and let it gently simmer until the chicken is fall-off-the-bone tender. When it's done, I add some more butter and lemon juice and let the sauce further reduce over high heat.

Colleen Doran's Quick and easy Cincinnatti Chili

Quick and easy Cincinnatti Chili (Also known as Chili Spaghetti or Chili Five
Way):

I prefer angel hair pasta, but any spaghetti will do. Cook it. Do not let
it get mushy.

Hormel chili with beans (assuming you do not want to make your own chili: we
do, it takes all day, but sometimes Hormel tastes yummy good). Usually two cans
will do.

Add a little mustard powder or chocolate powder if you like. Just a dash.

Chopped onions. About a cup.

Oyster crackers.

A cup or two of grated sharp cheddar cheese.

Take your cooked spaghetti and drain very well. Portion the spaghetti on each
plate exactly as if you are about to serve spaghetti with spaghetti sauce on
top.

Pour a generous ladel of piping hot chilli over the top of the spaghetti.

Take a big old gob of shredded chedder cheese and portion it over the top of
that piping hot chili so it gets all melty and gooey. I like a lot of cheese.
Your mileage may vary.

A nice handful of onions goes right on top of that. I like a lot of onions,
too.

Add a gob of oyster crackers on top of that. If you don't like your crackers
to get soggy, then serve 'em on the side.

That's Chili Spaghetti.

It also freezes well and reheats well. I just keep adding more cheese and onions.
Most people just serve the spaghetti with the chili on top and let folks add
their toppings as they like.

I always have it with a vat of Co'Cola.

Mmmm.