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Carla Speed McNeil's Muffuletta

(Traditional New Orleans Italian sammitch. Yes, New Orleans is inhabited by people other than Cajuns. Best place to git one: Central Grocery in the French Quarter, a former alleyway, now deli, very close the rest of the best stuff in the Quarter. Lots of delicious dead things hanging from the ceiling.)

1 cup pitted green olives, chopped coarse
1 cup pitted black olives, chopped coarse
3/4 cup extra-virgin olive oil
4 oz roasted red peppers (jar stuff OK), drained and chopped fine
1/4 cup minced fresh parsley leaves
2 TBS lemon juice
1 tsp dried oregano
1 clove garlic, minced

(these ingredients all go in one bowl. Stir, cover, and refrigerate at least 8 hours. 24 hours is better.)

1 large (9-inch) round Italian or French bread
8 oz mortadella, thinly sliced
8 oz provolone cheese, thinly sliced
8 oz hard salami, thinly sliced

And you'll need a big goddamned dictionary or other large heavy book. Wrap it in plastic if you don't want it to develop character.

Okay, drain the olive mix, reserving the juice. Cut the bread in half hamburger-bun style, digging out a hollow in the domed top. Smear the cut sides of the bread with the reserved juice, and place half of the olive mix in the hollwed-out top. Layer the meats and cheese on top of that, then spread the other half of the olive mix on top of the whole mess. Place the flat bottom of the bread on top, then wrap tightly with plastic wrap. Invert.

Now put the wrapped sammitch on a big-enough plate. Put yer big book on top. Pile some other heavy stuff from the fridge on top of the big book-- pickle jars, gallons of milk, whatever you have handy. Compression is key. Stick the whole assemblage into the fridge for at least 30 minutes and up to six hours.

Unwrap, cut into wedges, and stand clear.

Louie's-style Hash Browns

Yes, I know perfectly well that these bear little or no resemblance to whatever you grew up calling hash browns. Shut up.

Four large baking potatoes (I prefer russets)
One large sweet onion, diced
Four-six cloves garlic, minced
1 lb hot Italian sausage, casings removed
Olive oil, salt, pepper, cayenne
Cheddar cheese

Scrub spuds, cut into large chunks. Heat 2 tablespoons oil in deep saucepan or soup pot. Cook onion over medium heat with a pinch of salt until softened, 5-8 minutes. Add garlic, cook until fragrant, maybe thirty seconds. Add spuds, tossing to coat with onions.

Sprinkle spuds with 1/2 tsp salt, pepper and cayenne to taste. I use Tony Chacherie's more-spice-less-salt here-- it's pretty much the only reason to keep that red can on-hand, but it's what was on the tables at Louie's. It's not particularly hot, and anyway the starchy potatoes nix most of the cayenne.

Pinch off small chunks of sausage and drop 'em into the pot. Stir again to distribute. Cover pot and reduce heat to simmer. Let that whole mess cook down to desired level of spud-doneness; traditionally, two steps above mush. Usually twenty minutes will do it, just make sure your sausage is cooked through. Adjust seasonings.

The cooks at Louie's (oh yeah, Louie's was the postpub diner near my college campus) just kept a huge mountain of this smoking away on the grill 24-7, adding fresh ingredients and tossing the raw stuff underneath, like an edible compost heap. Except the sausage, that was my addition. Grated cheese is extra, 50 cents. Serve it up.

- Carla Speed McNeil

How To Kill Yourself With A Single Sandwich

How To Kill Yourself With A Single Sandwich

This sandwich cost $47 to MAKE AT HOME.

Ingredients ................ Food Calories
Fried Mushrooms, 15............450
Bacon, 14 pieces.................990
Onion rings, 18................,1,140
Ground Beef, 1/4 lb..............293
Corndogs, 2........................540
Swiss Cheese, 4 slices..........425
Provolone, 4 slices...............397
Cheddar, 4 slices.................455
Sliced Ham, 1/4 lb...............184
Sliced Turkey, 1/4 lb............181
Pastrami, 1/4 lb...................394
Roast Beef, 1/4 lb................200
Bratwurst, 1.......................510
Braunschweiger, 1/4 lb.........580
Wheat Bread, 1 lb..............1030
Lettuce, 1/2 head.................25
Feta Cheese, 4 oz...............350
Italian Dressing, 6 oz...........480
Oregano oil, 50 grams..........438
Salt & Pepper, 50 grams..........0
Butter, 1/2 lb...................1600 (for bread and cooking)
Parmesan, 100 grams..........465
Canola Oil, 154 Tbsp.......18,432 (for frying)

Total - 29,559




But... don't you just WANT to TRY and eat it???

Pimp my Tuna

PIMP MY TUNA

since i'm not really too big on mayo, i usually add a little olive oil, some lemon juice to taste, and some vinegar (rice vinegar is my fav but i've also used basalmic as well).

My favorite spices to add are thyme and dry mustard, sometimes rosemary or parsley

mix it all up, add some green onions and celery if u want and there you go!!! awesome tuna fish without any of that mayo stuff (which isn't bad in small quantities i guess, but like NOT IN MY TUNA!). sometimes i add in mustard also, but only when i am feeling rediculous.

anyway top off the interior of the sandwhich with some paprika, and voila!!! okay tuna fish is really scrubby, but you can deck it out and it won't be so bad. this is really good on crackers with a bowl of pea soup, btw.

Douglas Wolk's MUNG BEAN AND CABBAGE PANCAKES WITH TOMATO CHUTNEY

MUNG BEAN AND CABBAGE PANCAKES WITH TOMATO CHUTNEY

Soak for at least 12 hours (start 'em the night before):
1 1/2 Cups mung beans

When you're getting ready to cook, make your chutney. Puree:
1 small ripe tomato
Chop up:
3 medium-to-large ripe tomatoes

Toast in a pot, stirring or shaking constantly:
1/2 tsp. fennel seeds
1/4 tsp. cumin seeds
When they're aromatic and slightly browned, add the tomatoes and tomato puree, along with:
1/8 tsp. cayenne
Simmer, uncovered, for 15 minutes or so, or until thickened a bit. Add:
1 tsp. olive oil
A bit of minced cilantro
Turn off the heat and let it sit until you're done cooking.

Chop up in a food processor:
1 inch or so of peeled ginger
Drain the mung beans and add them. Pulse the food processor until they're roughly chopped up. Add:
1/2 cup water
Pulse the food processor until they're pureed. Add:
2 Tbsp. lemon juice
1/3 cup of a combination of cilantro and parsley, to your taste
1 tsp. salt
Pulse the food processor until the greens are minced and everything's combined. Put the mung-bean combination in a big bowl with:
5 cups shredded cabbage
1/2 tsp. baking powder
1/2 tsp. red pepper flakes
Mix it all up good.

Heat a big skillet or griddle over a medium flame with a little drizzle of olive oil. Drop 1/3-cup scoops of the cabbage/mung bean mixture onto the griddle (you can do four at a time, no problem), and flatten them out with a spatula. Let them cook for about 3 minutes (until they're browned on the bottom), then drizzle a teensy bit of olive oil on top of each one, flip 'em, and let them brown on the other side.

Serve with the tomato chutney, some dollops of yogurt, a light green salad, and whatever grain you like--bread is nice.

Harris O'Malley's Peanut Butter Balls

PEANUT BUTTER BALLS 16 oz crunchy peanut butter
2 cups powdered sugar
1/3 cup butter, softened
3 cups Rice Krispies or equivilant
1 bag semi-sweet chocolate chips

Mix peanut butter, sugar and butter, then stir in the Rice Krispies. Shape into small balls and chill for 1 hour. Melt 1/2 package semi-sweet chocolate chips over hot water in a double boiler. Hand dip top and sides of peanut butter balls in chocolate. Chill in refrigerator until set.

These suckers will last a very long, delicious time, and travel remarkably well. My mother used to send 'em to me at summer programs and at college; this had the tendency to make me the most popular man in the dorms, at least until they ran out.